Saturday, November 21, 2009

motherhood and a case of the worries

My lovely Grandmother (pin curls and all) with one of the ten she had to worry about, my own mommy.

Fear. It must come with the job title. For me, there exist two types. First, the category I've come to think of as perennial fears. Insecurities or concerns I've always carried in my corners, not necessarily related to motherhood at all. In fact, mine existed long before Boy Wonder.

The second type are the doubts that wash in and out, changing with the day. Lately, my nooks and crannies have held more fleeting fears than fixed, and they're almost always in connection with my biggest job to date...being Teddy's mumsy.

Last night after crawling into bed, I read a beautiful article in the NY times about a woman attempting to conquer 100 big (and small) fears in 100 days. She kept a journal that had a honesty and rawness that was so real. More than facing her fears, I liked how she simply said them out loud. It seemed brave.

So in the name of bravery, I thought I'd share a few of my own fluttery fears....

* Am I disciplining Teddy enough? Should I be stricter?
- It's so difficult to know if the everyday whinnies and whines are nothing more than toddler transgressions or if he's getting a little spoiled.

* Is Teddy talking enough?
- When I read about the number of words our pumpkin should be saying, he seems a bit behind. Then again, he may just be like his daddy...a quiet soul.

* Will the balance between wife, mother, and a spirited self get easier?
-no more explanation needed.

Author's Note: I actually wrote this post a wee bit back, but never finished it. It was fun to open it this afternoon and revisit those little motherhood worries. Although it still has kind of an incomplete feel, I thought I'd post it anyway. Funny, all three fears still hover near... maybe they should be moved from the "fleeting fears" category and stored away with the "perennials."

{sending you a whisper of weekend love on a soft and sweet new york saturday.}

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